Hope for Today
"I don't like this, I didn't ask for it, and I don't know how to continue this life without Lee!" I cried in the rawness of my grief on the morning after Lee Gaupp, my late husband, stepped into heaven. The world had gone dark. And the event had increased my suffering of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome—the disabling condition that had crashed my life and left me in an extremely low-functioning state two years earlier. Lee had been clinging to faith and trusting God with me, and supporting me in every way as I was trying to get back up from this invisible but life-altering condition.
Now I was left alone and sitting in shock, less than twelve hours after he died. All the comfort and support he provided had left this earth when he did, in the blink of an eye. This is when I interacted with the Lord about His gifts, His goodness, and the promises He'd given—about the past, present, and future. He began to share breadcrumbs of hope with me—provision for my impoverished soul. I asked that my eyes would be opened to see these blessings and not to overlook them in my sorrow. He was faithful to answer my prayer. I became a collector of hope. Each tiny morsel sustained and nourished me through the long walk of endurance that lay ahead.
The Bible says we are God's house—His dwelling place—when we are saved and submit ourselves to Christ's lordship, if we do not lose our confidence and hope until the end (Hebrews 3:6). If we do not lose our hope or our confidence? But these are exactly the things that are most threatened in our trials. That's why hope is of the utmost importance even when we are uncertain and afraid. Hope keeps the light on, even when every single thing in life goes dim. Hope is a gift that is supernaturally placed in our heart, but most of the time it isn't something we can receive passively. If we hunger for it, we must actively seek it, grab hold of it, and not let go. Because the thing they don't tell you, is that it expands and multiplies!
Now and Forevermore
It's amazing to look back and see that when I was in the thick of the crisis, God's grace was thicker still. As I leaned into Him, He leaned down and comforted me. Somehow in the midst of pretty severe brain fog, I would receive spiritual insight and revelation. Here's one that nudged my thoughts and conclusions of death, and shifted my internal scream into a more sustainable sigh that enabled me to release my breath, and some of what I was holding: LIVE TODAY.
As I look back at the breadcrumbs of hope God provided, I found a specific moment recorded in my journal six months after Lee's passing—a morning when the word "NOW" began to change everything.
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Dec. 6, 2021 — Here's what I'm getting this morning—it's a healing balm, saying to "take heart" in the midst of my disheartened state: Two weeks ago the word NOW was planted in my mind. As I have been pondering, God is speaking more and more to me about now and how it is always today.
Lee really knew how to live in the now—he didn't sit around worrying about yesterday, he leaned forward, always present in the now of today—and I just realized he is living in the now and forevermore of God's goodness. Many times in scripture NOW is connected to the word TODAY.
When you think about it, now is always today. The phrase "now and forevermore" came to mind and I began to ponder its meaning. I know it's used in the Bible. I looked up the definition and found it means "for an endless amount of time." What stuck in my head was a synonym listed—perpetually: in a way that never ends or changes.
I love this! Because it gives me the image of perpetual motion, like a motorized revolving door. Whenever I used to think about eternity before, it just gave me the thought of a state of being. But now, I imagine the ongoing state of perpetual joy, of peace, and love, and being surrounded by God's presence forever—like the perpetual motion of a revolving door! It's a verb—now never ends.
Today—living in the NOW—when we step into the river of God, we are in the current of His love that flows with the power of uncreated Life that exists outside of our timeline. It is our eternal source and never-ending supply for every need both now and forevermore, whether on this side of heaven or the other side. In my mind's eye, I see clearly that as long as we stay in Him and the river of life we are still connected to those who have stepped into God's eternity. It's beautiful to know there is an eternal river of love flowing from the "forevermore" of God's heavenly throne room into the here and NOW.
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That revelation from years ago remains my anchor today. The river hasn't stopped flowing, and the "NOW" hasn't lost its power.
Perhaps you find yourself in a season where the light has gone dim and the "forevermore" feels too far away to touch. If so, I invite you to step into the river with me. Don't worry about the strength you'll need for tomorrow or the sorrow you carried yesterday. Just look for the blessings in this very moment. Because in His presence, it is always Today—and in the current of His love, we are never truly alone. We are simply living in the Now, held by the One who is faithful Forevermore.
Blessings of hope—living in the now and forevermore,
Tami Sorenson Gaupp
